The Ten Longest Speeches?

But the realist in me tends to doubt it. Now Faith, as I record this message, you're sleeping and the doctors tell me you might never wake up. I don't believe that. Sooner or later you will wake up and when you do, you'll find the world has gone and changed on you. I wish I could make the world a better place for you to wake up in but, tough as it is to accept, we both have to understand that even my power to protect and watch over you has its limits. See, the hard pill to swallow is that once I'm gone, your days are just plain numbered. Now I know you're a smart and capable young woman in charge of her own life but the problem, Faith, is that there won't be a place in the world for you anymore. By now I bet you're feeling very much alone. But you're never alone. You'll always have me. [161 words]

I hate this. I hate being here. I hate that you have to be here. I hate that there's evil and that I was chosen to fight it. I wish a whole lot of the time that I hadn't been. I know a lot of you wish I hadn't been, either. But this isn't about wishes. This is about choices. I believe we can beat this evil. Not when it comes. Not when its army is ready. Now. Tomorrow morning I'm opening the Seal. I'm going down into the Hellmouth and I'm finishing this once and for all. Right now you're asking yourselves what makes this different. "What makes us anything more than a bunch of girls being picked off one by one?" It's true, none of you have the power that Faith and I do. So here's the part where you make a choice. [145 words]

She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared? It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So we got to Brazil and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would flirt! I caught her on a park bench, making out with a chaos demon! Have you ever seen a chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting. [137 words]

I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of hell and it is going to swallow me whole. (beat; hard) And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're going to wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Oh, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now because we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them and cut out their hearts one by one until The First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil and that's us. Any questions? [139 words]

'And there will be a time of crisis, of worlds hanging in the balance. And in this time shall come the Anointed, the Master's great warrior. And the Slayer will not know him, will not stop him, and he will lead her into Hell.' As it is written, so shall it be. 'Five will die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise. The Brethren of Aurelius shall greet him and usher him to his immortal destiny.' (stops before one of the Brethren) As it is written, so shall it be. 'And one of the Brethren shall go out hunting the night before and get himself killed, because he couldn't wait to finish his job before he ate.' Oh, wait. (grabs one of the Brethren by the throat) That's not written anywhere. [132 words]

Okay, I was bluffing. I hadn't really thought that one through. Listen, this whole permanent record thing is such a myth, anyway. Colleges never ask for anything past your SAT scores and it's not like employers are going to be calling up to check to see how many days you missed back in high school. So listen, I could suspend you but that would mean calling your parents, alerting your teachers, filling out paperwork, and quite possibly having to talk to the school board-- all of which sounds positively exhausting to me. No. No, I think it would be much easier if I just called the police, let them deal with it. (beat) Oh, and in case you're wondering, this is the part where I'm not bluffing. [127 words]

Buffy! Did you lose weight? And your hair... All right, I respect you too much to be dishonest. The hair's a little... (smiles) Well, that really isn't the point here, is it? The Zeta Kappas have to have a certain balance at their party and Richard explained it all to me, but I was so busy really listening that I didn't hear much. Anyway, the deal is they need you to go. And if you don't go, I can't. And I'm talking about Richard Anderson, okay? As in Anderson Farms, Anderson Aeronautics (choked with emotion) and Anderson Cosmetics. Well, you see why I have to go. Buffy, these men are rich. And I am not being shallow. Think of all the poor people I could help with all my money! [130 words]

For all of you it may be that there is a place in Sunnydale's history, whether you like it or not. It's been a long road getting here. For you, for Sunnydale. There has been achievement, joy, good times... and there has been grief. There's been loss. Some people who should be here today aren't. But we are. Journey's end. And what is a journey? Is it just distance traveled? Time spent? No. It's what happens on the way, it's the things that shape you. At the end of the journey you're not the same. Today is about change. Graduation doesn't just mean your circum- stances change, it means you do. You ascend to a higher level. Nothing will ever be the same. [123 words]

I hope you don't think this antidote's gonna rid you of that nasty martyrdom. See I figured it out, love. You can't help yourself. You're not drawn to the dark like I thought. You're addicted to the misery. It's why you won't tell your pals about us. Might actually have to be happy if you did. They'd either understand and help you-- god forbid-- or drive you out where you can finally be at peace. In the dark. With me. Either way you'd be better off for it but you're too twisted for that. Let yourself live already and stop with the bloody hero trip for a second. We'd all be the better for it. (beat) You either tell your friends about us... or I will. [126 words]

Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car-- and that was literally. So I ended up washing dishes at The Fabulous Ladies Night Club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me or even spoke to me until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college? [132 words]